Faces Of Suicide

Suicide does not discriminate. If you need help or know someone who is struggling please reach out!

Volunteering Makes You Happier – Here’s Why

Recently came across an interesting article about volunteering and had to share:

When researchers at the London School of Economics examined the relationship between volunteering and measures of happiness, they found the more people volunteered, the happier they were. - Simple Changes, Big Rewards: A practical, easy guide for healthy, happy living. 

While there are many factors that lead to happiness, research proves that volunteering definitely makes people happier (and even healthier).

So why does volunteering make you happier?

Research shows that volunteering will help you live longer, and that should be cause enough to make you happy. But there are other reasons as to why volunteering makes you happier… here are 3 leading theories as to why:

 1. Giving Time Makes You Feel That You Have More Time

“Not having enough time” is considered one of the biggest stressors and detractors of happiness. However, the feeling of having more time lower stress.

 A long line of empirical research, including one study of over 2,000 people, has shown that acts of altruism—giving to friends and strangers alike—decrease stress and strongly contribute to enhanced mental health.

While not necessarily intuitive, giving your time to others will likely benefit you as much as any other party. A study from Harvard Wharton, and Yale, ‘Giving Times Gives You Time‘, summarizes the benefits nicely:

Happier people give more and giving makes people happier, such that happiness and giving may operate in a positive feedback loop (with happier people giving more, getting happier, and giving even more).

Counter-intuitive as it may be, volunteering increases your perception of how much time you have, and lowers your stress in the process.

 2. Volunteering Creates Social Bonds That Make You Feel Loved

Social relationships are described as ‘perhaps’ the ‘greatest single cause’ of happiness. - Michael Argyle, The Psychology of Happiness

In 1943, Maslow released his groundbreaking research that we now know as the “Hierarchy of Needs”. In it, he hypothesized that after safety, the thing that people need most is “Emotional Belonging”

According to Maslow, humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among their social groups, regardless if these groups are large or small.

Spending time volunteering creates bonds with fellow volunteers, organizations hosting volunteers, and the beneficiaries. The social bonds created during volunteering contribute directly to feelings of belonging.

According to research from University of Minnesota,  volunteering also creates social capital which leads to more interaction, engagement, and trust with the people that you volunteer with.

“We must cultivate the science of human relationships – the ability of all people, of all kinds, to live together and work together.” —Franklin D. Roosevelt

 3. Volunteering Extends Empathy; Empathy Leads to Life Satisfaction

Jeremy Rifkin, a best-selling author, has a wildly popular video and book called ‘The Empathic Civilization‘. He argues that the only way we can truly create a sustainable and healthy planet is by extending empathy across borders. By doing so, he explains that you will create relationships which ultimately lead to happiness.

When people go Experteering through MovingWorlds, they consistently report that “creating new friendships” and “spending time with locals” are some of the biggest contributors to positive experiences while volunteering their skills overseas.

In the “6 Habits of Highly Empathic People“, Roman Krznaric shares that empathy creates the social glue that will hold our societies together, and that 98% of people have the ability to be empathic. His research shows that of all people, the most empathic are also committed to social change

Highly Empathic People understand that empathy can also be a mass phenomenon that brings about fundamental social change.

By engaging in social change, Roman quotes happiness guru Martin Seligman who identifies empathy as a key character strength that can enhance life satisfaction, and with it, happiness. 

Volunteering always makes me feel better. It quite often is a positive coping mechanism for me when I am feeling down. There isn't anything quite like the feeling of helping someone or something in need. I enjoy volunteering for several organizations: American Red Cross, Wayside Waifs, SW Johnson County CERT and United Way. There are so many great organizations to volunteer for! If you would like to volunteer but are not sure where to begin, here is a good resource: Volunteer Match - http://www.volunteermatch.org/. By submitting your interests you can find an organization that best fits your interests as well as a non-profits needs. Get out there and make a difference in your life and others!

Depression doesn't discriminate.

Unless you've been living under a rock the past 24 hours you know by now that Robin Williams took his life yesterday. I have to admit, I am disappointed with the media. There is no good reason to report how Robin Williams took his life. Providing details of the how hurts the surviving family and friends who don't need to hear the details of how over and over again. The how also can be a trigger to those who have lost a loved one to suicide. It can also be a trigger for those who may be having suicidal thoughts. Their minds are already vulnerable. Hearing how someone took their life may be enough of a trigger for them to follow through with their suicidal thoughts. I also found it disappointing that media didn't take the opportunity to include resources for suicide prevention in their stories. It was a platform to help those who might need it and the media failed to take advantage of the opportunity. I posted on some of the news sites to please report responsibly when reporting about suicide. My post probably fell to deaf ears but I had to try. If we can't help someone, at least don't hurt them! I felt like the news didn't do anything to help and only led to the possibility of hurting people.

It wasn't a secret that Williams struggled with alcohol and drug abuse, going to rehab more than once. What most of us probably didn't know was that Robin Williams was struggling with depression. That's the problem with depression, it doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care if you are rich, poor, successful, young or old, anyone is susceptible to depression. It often leads to isolation. And trust me, when you isolate you are much less likely to ask for help! Been there, done that... Robin Williams used humor to bring others happiness. I am willing to bet he used humor as a coping mechanism. And why not? Laughter is good for the soul! But sometimes those who smile the brightest are hurting the most. They just learn how to mask it better than the rest of us.  

When we reach the point we can't cope with our depression something has to give. Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.

If you are suicidal please hang on and ask for help. There are resources out there to help you! You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of 2 things: 1) find a way to reduce your pain or 2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible!

Here are 5 things to think about if you are feeling suicidal:

1. You need to know that people do get through this - even people who feel as badly as you are feeling right now. 
2. Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Remember that feelings and actions are 2 different things - just because you feel like taking your life, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. 
3. People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek if you are dead. I know that sounds harsh but it's true. 
4. Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened or angry. But there are people out there who can help you in this horrible time, and will not judge you or argue with you or send you to a hospital or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of these people. Use your 24 hours and tell someone what's going on with you. It is ok to not be ok. It's also ok to ask for help! Don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to cope alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are releases an awful lot of the pressure and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
5. Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. There are many positive coping mechanisms such as therapy, self help groups, books, forums on the internet, etc.

If you are struggling, please reach out to someone...a friend, family member, teacher, pastor, coworker...anyone! People really do want to help! It's hard sometimes to talk to family or friends when you are hurting and need help. There are resources available such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Call them at 1-800-273-8255. You can remain anonymous. They are there to listen and help. You do not need to be suicidal to call. They also have a chat feature if you prefer that instead of calling. Visit them online at: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.  If you are struggling and need to talk, they are there to listen and to help you with resources. Help is available!  

Robin Williams will be remembered for his many roles on and off screen. He brought smiles to many. Let's remember Robin Williams for how he lived rather than how he died. But please use his death as a reminder that people do hurt and do need help. Reach out to someone today. You might be the only one who does. It could very well save their life!

"No Matter What People Tell You, Words and Ideas Can Change the World." - Robin Williams.

RIP Robin Williams

ACT. Ask...Care...Take

The Kansas City Fire Department is starting a new program this month aimed at ending suicides within the fire department family. The program is called ACT. It stands for 'Ask, Care and Take'.

If you read my previous post titled Because One Suicide is One Too Many! or another post titled Suicide in Law Enforcement... What can be done to prevent it? then you know suicide is often not talked about in Fire/EMS/Law Enforcement. The often mentioned mantra is ‘We help others but never ourselves.’ That’s our culture. ‘ Don’t ask for help.’” It's time we change that! After losing one of their own recently to suicide as well as 3 others in the last 10 years, KCFD has decided it's time to step up and talk about suicide prevention. With help from Richard Gist, principle assistant to the fire chief and public health psychologist with KCFD, they have come up with the ACT program to help fire fighters who may be struggling.

The concept of the program is this: Ask what's going on with someone and if they are thinking about hurting themselves. Care is about showing a person that you care about them. Take stands for taking that person to a place where they can get help if you determine they need help.

Nico Cruz, a 23 year veteran of the KCFD took his life on July 27, 2014. His service was held on Saturday August 2, 2014. He is survived by four children. His oldest daughter, Catalina Cruz, said that she decided to speak out about her father's suicide in hopes of preventing other suicides. Her interview can be seen by clicking on the picture below and following the link.

I attended Nico's service. Having gone to high school with Nico and catching up periodically over the years I know what a big heart he had! He volunteered with MDA and BACA. He was passionate about protecting kids from child abuse. And personally, I will always remember that he took the time to call me after my fire 2 years ago to make sure I was okay and ask if I needed anything. In this day and age, who takes time to do that? Nico did! His death was a shock to so many of us who knew him. He did so much for others but was unable to ask for help for himself when he needed it. It's time to stand up and talk about mental health not only in the fire industry, EMS and Law Enforcement but to the public in general. I was so impressed with Nico's family during his service. Many times when suicide is the reason for someones death the family won't mention it. Not only did Nico's family mention it as cause of death but they took the opportunity to use his service as a forum to advocate suicide prevention. They asked everyone in attendance to reach out and speak to someone if they were hurting and needed help. Pamphlets about suicide prevention were available for anyone to pick up. I guarantee you, there was not a dry eye in the house! This was a family in pain that desperately wanted to reach out to others in hopes of preventing another family from going through similar pain. I admire the family for their courage during such a difficult time!

Catalina's message was this... "My message would be if you know anyone who is struggling with suicide, please talk with them and get some help!"

Cousin Desmond McIntyre, also a fire fighter with KCFD, explained that firefighters see things that you can never erase from your mind and deal with stresses and family and work that are incredibly difficult. He encouraged others to take the time to talk with people and find out how they're really doing and do it often. It's not clear what caused Nico to take his life. It is clear he was hurting.

If you suspect someone is hurting, reach out to them. Sometimes people are afraid to talk to family or friends regarding things they may be struggling with. If you know someone who is struggling but fear they may be afraid to talk, there are good resources you can point them to. One such resource is the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 

If you call the Lifeline you can remain anonymous. They are there to listen and help! You do not have to be suicidal to call. Anyone who is hurting and needs to talk can call. They also have a chat line if you prefer. Having used this resource myself I can assure you, it is a great resource and you can remain anonymous! What I learned from my experience (I used the chat function) is that you really can remain anonymous and people really do want to help! The only time they will disclose your identity is if you are going to hurt yourself. I wasn't suicidal when I contacted the Lifeline, I just really needed to talk through something that I wasn't sure I could talk to my family or friends about. Thanks to having a positive experience with the Lifeline, I now see a therapist on a regular basis and that is a great help to me. Sometimes it's not easy to talk to family or friends and that's when talking to a professional can help. I had to wait until I was insured again before I could start working with a therapist but I am glad I did. She is a good resource for me and I feel safe talking to her about any issues including Nico's suicide. I know a lot of people are hurting after losing Nico in such a shocking way. If you are struggling with Nico's death or any other issue please reach out for help! 

IF YOU ARE IN CRISIS AND NEED IMMEDIATE HELP, 

please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 

Seeking help is a sign of strength not of weakness. It is the first step in reestablishing control in your life. Always remember when there is life there is hope!

RIP Nico! You are loved and so very much missed! 

Because One Suicide is One Too Many!

A while ago I did a post about Suicide in Law Enforcement and what can be done about it. I wrote that post because one suicide is one too many! And because a friend had recently lost her husband (a deputy) to suicide. I am writing this post today because a friend, firefighter, father took his life yesterday. One suicide is one too many! People don't want to talk about mental health and it's time we changed that!

As with Law Enforcement, number of suicides in Fire and EMS is a statistic not kept. There are no exact state or national numbers on suicides of public safety responders because often the incidents are categorized only as sudden deaths. The Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance wants to change that! Jeff Dill, a counselor and firefighter for 25 years near Chicago was compelled to do so after hearing about so many firefighters taking their own lives. Jeff founded the nonprofit Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance in 2011. The group began a confidential reporting system on its website, www.ffbha.org. Slowly, firefighters from across the country began calling Dill to alert him to a firefighter suicide in their community. Dill followed up with calls to the fire chief in that fire department to validate the information. Dill says it's important to document all suicides not only to track them but to validate them.

The Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance works to educate fire officials nationwide about suicide awareness and prevention. To learn more about the Firefighter Behavioral Health Alliance visit www.ffbha.org or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/FirefighterBehavioralHealthAlliance.

What makes suicide so difficult to prevent is that it is not a condition or disorder, but rather an outcome that may result from the presence of many risk factors including: underlying conditions, individual dispositions, interpersonal dynamics, social interactions, and other factors. Firefighting exceeds most other occupations in frequency of occupational injury; moreover, death is a frequent feature in situations firefighters encounter in the normal course of their duty, and loss of one’s own life is an ever-present, and even culturally accepted occupational risk. These factors can compel firefighters to come to terms with their own mortality in ways that vary greatly from the general population, and as a consequence, the capability for suicide among firefighters may be further evolved, whether or not desire or ideation may be present.

Most people are aware of the physical demands that first response activities place on firefighters and EMS providers. But it is important to also realize the impact that fighting fires and responding to emergencies has on the mental well-being of emergency personnel. Firefighters, EMS providers and law enforcement face the risk of many behavioral health concerns such as anxiety, depression, burnout, post-traumatic stress disorder among others.

If you are a first responder taking care of your mental health is as important as managing your physical health. Here are some of the warning signs to look out for:

• Ideation/threatened or communicated
• Substance abuse/excessive or communicated
• Purposeless/no reason for living
• Anxiety, agitation, or insomnia
• Trapped
• Hopelessness
• Withdrawal from friends, family, society
• Anger (uncontrolled)/ rage/seeking revenge
• Recklessness/risky acts-unthinking
• Mood changes (dramatic)

Not sure if you or a coworker need help? Here is a self-screening for suicide for firefighters (and is relevant to all first responders): http://www.ffbha.org/Suicide_Questionnaire.html.

“We don’t talk about behavioral health in the fire service,” Dill said. “It’s that cultural brainwash of, ‘We help others but never ourselves.’ That’s our culture. ‘Don’t ask for help.’” It's time to make a change!

Here are some resources to consider if you or someone you know needs help:

Share the Load™ Program
National Volunteer Fire CouncilThis program provides, tools, resources, and information to help individual first responders and their families manage and overcome behavioral health issues as well as to help departments establish an effective behavioral health program.

Fire/EMS Helpline
National Volunteer Fire Council and American Addiction Centers
Firefighters and EMS personnel face many unique challenges that can have a significant impact on their behavioral health. To ensure these individuals and their families have access to the help they need, the NVFC teamed up with American Addiction Centers to create a free, confidential helpline available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. First responders and their families can call the helpline for assistance and non-judgmental support on any issues affecting their work or personal life, including but not limited to addiction, PTSD, stress, depression, relationship issues, critical incidents, and psychological issues.

Firefighter Life Safety Initiative 13 – Mental Health
National Fallen Firefighters Foundation
Initiative 13 of the National Fallen Firefighters Foundation’s Life Safety Initiatives focuses on the mental well being of firefighters and their families. The initiative asserts that firefighters, EMS personnel, and their families must have the resources and help available to deal with the various complications that their jobs can bring to their lives, especially issues regarding emotional and psychological stress. The new Firefighter Life Safety Initiative 13 web site contains important resources, training, and research, including the new model for exposure to potentially traumatic events and stress aid for fire and EMS personnel.

National Institute for Occupational Health and SafetyNIOSH is the federal agency responsible for conducting research and making recommendations for the prevention of work-related injury and illness. The Institute has released many resources for managing stress in the workplace, including:

• Stress at Work booklet
• Working With Stress video
• Stress Management in Work Place Settings Resources

Your Guide to Healthy Sleep
National Heart, Lung, and Blood InstituteThis booklet from NHLBI provides information about important sleep topics such as common sleep myths and practical tips for getting adequate sleep, coping with jet lag and nighttime shift work, and avoiding dangerous drowsy driving. It also includes information on sleep disorders, such as insomnia, sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome, narcolepsy, and some parasomnias.

Depression Section
Medline PlusMedline Plus is a service of the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health. The Depression Section of Medline Plus provides a compendium of resources, tools, and information about this mental health topic.

Emotional Health Center
Everyday Health MediaThis online resource center contains information and articles on mental health topics including anxiety, depression, and stress.

IF YOU ARE IN CRISIS AND NEED IMMEDIATE HELP, 

please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 

Seeking help is a sign of strength not of weakness. It is the first step in reestablishing control in your life. Always remember when there is life there is hope!

RIP Nico! You will be dearly missed! #gonetoosoon

Disasters come in all shapes and sizes...

Last night I was dispatched with other Red Cross volunteers out to a collapsed building call. While fires are our most common disasters we respond to, we will respond to any disaster where people are displaced from their homes as was the case last night.

Upon arrival, I spoke with the fire department to get an assessment of what happened and learned a chimney had collapsed causing damage to 3 apartments in an 18 unit building. This was one of the disasters you wonder how nobody got seriously hurt. It turns out that residents of 2 of the 3 affected apartments were not home and thank goodness for that! If you saw the damage in the top and middle apartments you would be amazed to learn that nobody got seriously hurt! 

I spoke with the resident of the middle apartment who was home when the chimney collapsed. She and her daughter were watching tv in the living room. She was sitting on the couch and her daughter was sitting on the floor in front of her painting her toe nails. Without any warning the chimney collapsed into the apartment from the unit above. The mom said she reacted immediately and despite not being able to see her daughter in the rubble she reached forward and was able to reach her daughter and pull her free. Again, if you saw the damage you would be shaking your head wondering how they made it out without getting hurt beyond just a few scratches. When we walked through the building to do our damage assessment with the fire department, fire fighters commented how fortunate the mother and daughter were and how glad they were the residents of the other 2 apartments weren't home at the time of the collapse. 

I worked with the mother to get her and her daughter assistance with food, clothing and a place to stay. She was quite shaken and her daughter even more so which is very understandable. She wasn't sure if they would stay in the apartment complex or move elsewhere. She was concerned her daughter might experience nightmares from the trauma. That's something I understand all to well so we discussed ways to cope. 

Residents in the entire building would need to find another place to stay throughout the weekend until the building was evaluated structurally to determine if it is safe to live in. Structural engineers would be there on Monday to do the assessmnt. All in all, the Red Cross assisted 6 families with food and a place to stay until Monday. On Monday residents will meet with Red Cross case workers to assess their further needs.

Here are a couple pics from the scene:

I am so grateful nobody was seriously hurt and we were able to assist families in need. Thank you to Overland Park Fire, Merriam Fire and Merriam Police for assisting the Red Cross so we could assist those who needed our services! 

Fire Canvassing Event

On Saturday July 12, 2014 Red Cross volunteers teamed up with the Leavenworth Fire Department to canvass a neighborhood that had recently been devastated by a fatality house fire. The fatality fire occurred on July 7, 2014. Two people were in the home at the time of the fire. The husband was able to make it out safely but the wife was not. Cause of the fire was unattended cooking. According to Leavenworth Fire Department, there were no working smoke detectors in the home.

Red Cross volunteers and the Leavenworth Fire Department knocked on doors in the northwest area of Leavenworth to offer information about fire safety. Smoke detectors were provided to those who needed them. Batteries were provided to family's that had smoke detectors but weren't sure how old their batteries were or when they were last checked. Having working smoke detectors is the number one prevention item family's can do to help get everyone out safely in a fire. Other recommendations provided by volunteers and fire fighters is to have an escape plan which includes at least 2 ways to safely evacuate the home and a meeting place outside the home for everyone to meet up and be accounted for. Practice the plan frequently with your family so everyone knows how to get out in the event of a fire and where to meet up. Test your smoke detectors monthly and change the batteries twice a year. Generally when we spring forward and fall back (with our clocks) is a good time to change the batteries in your smoke detectors.

Why is it important to do fire safety events like this? According to the NFPA, more than one-third (37%) of all home fire deaths resulted from fires in homes with no smoke alarms, while almost one-quarter (23%) 

resulted from fires in homes in which smoke alarms were present but did not operate. Unfortunately after a fatality fire is a good time to get out in the community and talk about fire safety because it is fresh on their minds and they (community) are more likely to act upon suggestions provided by fire fighters, Red Cross volunteers and other organizations that provide information about fire safety.

During this canvassing event smoke detectors were provided by the Red Cross. Home Depot donated the batteries. Door hangers with information about fire safety were left at homes where nobody was home to answer the door. Approximately 80 homes were visited during the canvassing event. 

I always enjoy these events and participate when I can. Who doesn't like hanging out with fire fighters? Thank you to Leavenworth Fire Department for inviting the Red Cross to help out with this event!

Below are some pictures from the event:

Meeting up prior to heading out to knock on doors:

After completion of the canvassing event fire fighters and Red Cross volunteers met back at the grade school to grab a cold drink and/or snack and to chat for a minute.






Group pic of fire fighters and volunteers who participated in the canvassing event: