Depression Lies....

Depression is a condition that lies to us about ourselves in an effort to sustain its own existence. It generally can be defeated and most often does pass.

I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD earlier this year. I don't know about you but I have my share of good days and bad. I seem to be having more bad days than good these days. I still struggle with nightmares from my fire last year which prevents me from sleeping some nights even though I know the likelihood of another fire is remote (Yeah I have to convince myself of that since I experienced 2 fires within 10 days of each other last year. Surely I won't experience a 3rd!). Like many of you who are reading this blog, I have personal issues which makes life a challenge at times. I don't want to air my dirty laundry here so I won't go in to details but I will say on my bad days I really struggle. When I'm struggling I either hide or I get on the internet and look for information to help get me through it. Admittedly, some days it's easier just to hide.  However, here is some information I found on the following blog that I found helpful:  http://www.thechangeblog.com/depression-lies/.

When depression hits, it hijacks your thoughts and feelings. It whispers seductive lies into your ears; lies that gradually start sounding like the truth. I know how that feels, because I struggle with it too. If on the other hand, you knew the lies depression commonly uses, then you can ignore or replace them with your own inner truth. And every time you do that, you have healed a little bit. So, here are some common ‘depression deceptions’ to watch out for:

1. It’s a chemical condition. So I can’t really do anything about it right? Wrong.

Yes your brain is made up of electrical impulses and chemical substances that change a million times in a day and make up your thoughts and/or emotions. And yes, often times, severe clinical depression requires medications. In fact, they can be essential and life saving in some situations. But, and listen to this very closely, even when they work well, medications alone don’t keep you from getting depressed again. What they do, is give you enough relief to then work on your self, and change the things in your mind and life, so that hopefully, you don’t feel that depressed again.

In fact, some forms of therapy, such as Mindfulness based cognitive therapy, has been shown to be even better than medications at lowering the risk of relapse (as long as you’ve gotten over the worst hump). The human mind is very powerful but much of it is amenable to change. It’s a tough process, but so worth the effort.

2. Anyone with my childhood/job/marriage/health/finances would be depressed!

Each of us lives in our own heads and so we only can feel our own pain. Yes we can empathize with others, but we can't fully feel anyone else's joy or pain as intimately as we can feel our own. This can lead us to feel trapped by the pain of our own life circumstances.

I used to feel this way as well. My depression would tell me “Your mom committed suicide and your dad is a narcissist. It’s not possible for you to ever be happy”. The worst part was, I believed it for a long time.

Since then, I have been fortunate to feel my own strengths, to learn about the brain, to read books and meet amazing people who have overcome great odds, proving to me over and over again that the human spirit is greater than the sum of past events.

You have great inner strength and wisdom within you. Whatever may have happened in your past is only one part of you. Don’t let it dictate your whole life.

3. I’ve tried everything. Nothing works for me.

Do you feel like you have tried every single thing to help yourself? And nothing is working? If that’s the case, maybe you’re trying too hard. Sometimes chasing happiness makes it more…..elusive, like a butterfly that will only come and softly sit on your shoulder when you can simply be in it’s presence without chasing it.

Try just surrounding yourself with people who seem genuinely happy. Not the Polly Anna kind of superficial happy. But the folks that exude a sense of deep contentment and peace from within. Don’t compare or force happiness to come to you. Just be in its presence.

4. I’ll be happier once I lose weight/get a raise/buy a home…

I wasted lots of my time in my 20’s hoping that if I just worked desperately toward achieving this or that, I would live happily ever after. Well, I did achieve most of those things, and it did make me feel excited briefly, but soon I had gone back to my usual state of mind. Feeling confused, I would replace it with another “goal” and chase after that, hoping that this time, the happiness would be deeper and long lasting.

And one day I was explaining this theory to a close friend, and she said simply “What’s wrong with now? Why not just be happy now?”

It blew me away. Because she wasn’t telling me to not reach for my goals, but rather that I was missing out on the possibility of NOW.

This very moment is alive with possibility. Whenever you begin to worry about the future or connect your happiness to some elusive goal, take a moment to bring your awareness back to this moment. Use your senses to really see, hear, smell and touch your immediate surroundings. And think of one thing you are grateful for today. Maybe it’s your morning cup of coffee, the hug your son gave you or that your friend called to share a joke. Whatever it is, if you truly loved it, spend a few moments being genuinely thankful that you had that TODAY.

5. I’ve screwed up a lot. I hate myself. I’m not worthy of happiness.

This is a tough one, because when we don’t love ourselves, that’s where the work must start. No foundation, no building.

Whatever you may have done in the past, it’s gone. That moment can never come back.
However, every new breath you take now is a new chance at life.  It’s totally fresh and alive for you to shape as you like. And if this one doesn’t do it, that’s fine, your next breath is again a fresh possibility. And the next. And the next.

Until you take your last breath, you have millions of moments to start over and become the person you want to be. It’s up to you what you do with each one.

6. Most of my life is okay, except for that one ‘X’ thing

I once read a story that goes something like this.

A professor puts up a big white board with a black dot on it, and then asks his students to describe what they see.

Most of them come close to scrutinize the board and blurt out the answer excitedly “The black dot! There is a black dot on it!”

Finally, the professor says “It’s interesting that most of you didn’t notice the whole white board in front of you, but rather chose to focus on that one small black dot”

This is what happens when we focus solely on the negative things. I’m not saying your difficulties are just dot sized. Not at all. All I’m saying is: Don’t forget to enjoy the beautiful expanse of white in your life. Because it’s there.

Psychiatrist Kavetha Sundaramoorthy is the author of the above blog material. Again that blog address is http://www.thechangeblog.com/depression-lies/. Good resource to check out!

I don't know about those of you reading this blog but I have believed probably all 6 lies at one time or another. I have to constantly remind myself that they are lies. Life isn't easy but each day presents a new experience, a new opportunity. It's hard some days to not focus on the past or the negative. I am glad to be able to find resources on the internet that remind me to be positive and live each day to the fullest. It's not easy especially when you are stuck in a state of depression. I am not alone though and that is what helps me keep moving.

Here are some other resources about depression and people who are coping with it daily that I have found useful:

http://wilwheaton.net/2012/09/depression-lies/
http://thebloggess.com/2012/04/depression-lies/

For those dealing with serious depression or other mental disorder, suicide may be a concern. About one in four adults suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. That means if you think about your 10 favorite people in the whole world two of them could be at risk of suicide. That’s why it’s so important to recognize the warning signs and to know how to get help for yourself or others. If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide call 800-273-TALK, or click here for resources. The National Suicide
Prevention Lifeline also offers a chat. You can sign in as an anonymous guest. These hotlines are crisis hotlines so you don't necessarily need to be suicidal to call. If you are in crisis and just need to talk to someone it is a useful resource. I know, I have utilized it to talk through a crisis. I am not one to ask for help but sometimes we all need a little help. These hotlines are confidential so if you are struggling but don't feel like you can reach out to a friend or family member please contact the hotline via either phone, chat or email. Sometimes just talking can help get you through a critical moment.

I'll end today's blog with this poem I ran across while doing a search about depression. I think it sums up depression pretty good:

Depleted, defeated,
Unloved and mistreated-
Depression distorts vision
Through glasses that
Alter what we see and think
And are certainly not
Rose colored or pink. Dark, stark
And off our own mark-
It drives us to our beds
(Maybe see about some meds?)
The shadows will pass
Like flatulent gas.

Depression lies-
And darkens our skies.
Whispering our secret doubts
About ourselves
Pulling old shames down
From the shelves.
It tells us that
Tomorrow
Will never come.
That we do not deserve
To be a whole one.

Through the tears
And beyond the fears-
We must all realize
That depression lies.

~David A. Reinstein, LCSW