September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. You might be surprised to learn that many people didn't go through with their suicide plan because someone called them, texted them, posted something funny or inspirational on their wall. You probably didn't even know they were struggling. Sometimes it just takes one small gesture to touch someone's life. That small gesture just might save a life. 

MCM Deferred

Well unfortunately due to an injury I have had to make the decision to defer my entry for the Marine Corps Marathon to next year. I have a torn hamstring tendon. Had it been the muscle injured instead of the tendon I might have been able to train through it. A tendon injury is more serious than a muscle injury and mine is being slow to respond to treatment. I have missed nearly 2 weeks of running so far and the projected time off from running is 4-6 weeks. With the MCM being only 8 weeks away, it is unrealistic that I could recover and train appropriately for it.

Injuries are frustrating. This one is frustrating to me for so many reasons. Running is my coping mechanism. I have been grumpy lately and I know it's a result of not being able to run. Mostly though, I think I am frustrated more because I was running the MCM to raise awareness for suicide prevention for first responders. I will have to discontinue the campaign now that I won't be able to run. I am very disappointed about that. Suicide is such a hard topic to talk about. Running the MCM gave me a platform to talk about suicide prevention.

The media doesn't publicize first responder suicides nearly as often as they occur. Every year we hear about how many Law Enforcement Officers and Firefighters are killed in the line of duty. Would it surprise you that nearly double that take their lives each year by suicide? I bet most people don't know the devastating toll of the job on first responders. I was an EMT for only a short bit so I can't say I know all they go through but I have an idea. There is one call I ran while an EMT that I will never forget and it has to do with fire. It's part of the reason why I struggled so much after my fire a few years ago. My fire brought back a memory I thought I had put away forever. And that's only one call, how many calls haunt first responders in their dreams? I bet it's well more than one. Whether a firefighter, EMT, paramedic or police officer, they all experience things that most of us never could imagine. And because most of us can't relate to what they see and experience, first responders find it hard to reach out to others who are not first responders. So what do they do? They bury it. They don't want to burden their family or friends with the emotional things they see on the job. The problem with not talking about it is it leads to coping mechanisms that may not be safe such as drinking, drugs and other risky behaviors that help distract from the nightmares.

This year alone 71 firefighter suicides have been confirmed including the recent suicide of a firefighter while on duty in Katy, Texas. It's very possible the number of suicides is higher than that as not all suicides are reported as suicides. EMS suicides are generally included in firefighter suicide statistics. It's harder to track LEO suicides because oftentimes the death is not reported as a suicide. And that's too bad. In order for officers, firefighters and EMS to be more likely to get help, they need to know there is a support system in place. If law enforcement won't acknowledge that a suicide has happened, it is less likely for an officer to reach out to someone if they are struggling. For example, Johnson County (KS) Sheriff's Office had a deputy lose his life to suicide earlier this year. It was not reported as a suicide and therefor the opportunity to help others who may be struggling was missed. The more we talk about suicide out in the open, the better chance we have of saving someone who may need help but is too afraid to ask for it. Suicide needs to be talked about openly in order to break down the stigma associated with it. Until that happens, people will continue to be afraid to ask for help. I speak from experience here.  Fire and EMS have gotten a little further than law enforcement in regards to suicide prevention. Suicides are now being tracked as much as possible in Fire/EMS and workshops are being put in place to help departments when they lose one of their own to suicide. The organization I was raising funds for is one of those organizations that provides workshops for LEO/Fire/EMS to help with suicide prevention as well as grief after a suicide.  To learn more about it visit the Sweeney Alliance at http://sweeneyalliance.net/ or the Grieving Behind the Badge blog at http://grievingbehindthebadgeblog.net/.

I may not be able to run the Marine Corps Marathon this year but my desire to talk about suicide prevention has not diminished. It's a difficult topic but one that's worth having a conversation about. You might just save someone's life.

If you or someone you know is struggling there is help. Reach out to a friend, family member, coworker, partner, spouse, counselor, priest.... just reach out. Where there is help, there is hope.

Break the silence for suicide attempt survivors - a TED conversation

TED is a nonprofit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks (18 minutes or less). TED began in 1984 as a conference where Technology, Entertainment and Design converged, and today covers almost all topics — from science to business to global issues — in more than 100 languages. Meanwhile, independently run TEDx events help share ideas in communities around the world.

Suicide is a topic not discussed often enough. In the US someone dies by suicide every 12.8 minutes. Worldwide, someone dies by suicide every 40 seconds. 19 out of 20 people who attempt suicide fail. But those that fail are 37x's more likely to succeed in their next attempt.

At TEDYou, JD Schramm asks us to break the silence surrounding suicide and suicide attempts, and to create much-needed resources to help people who reclaim their life after escaping death. You can watch his video by following this link:  http://www.ted.com/talks/jd_schramm?language=en.

If you are someone who has contemplated or attempted suicide. or you know somebody who has, talk about it. Get help! It's a conversation worth having and an idea worth spreading.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/A free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.

Other resources can be found by following this link: http://blog.ted.com/resources-for-suicide-prevention-post-attempt-survivors-and-their-families/.

Lost Minds: KC's Mental Health Crisis

A very good documentary showing how Kansas City Police Department is trying to help those in crisis receive the help they need rather than a trip to jail. Other local police agencies could learn from this example. Thank you KCPD!

Anthony Steels: Don’t Be Sidelined By Suicide

And finally here is the seventh post I want to share this week to wrap up Suicide Prevention Awareness Week:

Anthony Steels: Don’t Be Sidelined By Suicide

September 5th, 2014 by  Gabriela Acosta  0 
Filed Under: 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention, Blog Carnival, Mental Health, MSW@USC Blog, Social Work Resources,Suicide Awareness and Prevention, Uncategorized

This post was submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign by The Kim Foundation .Don’t Be Sidelined  is a mental health public awareness campaign created through the collaboration and support of various non-profit and health and human service organizations across the state of Nebraska. The Don’t Be Sidelined campaign is led by The Kim Foundation and was launched in September of 2012 in partnership with Husker Sports Marketing.

Don’t Be Sidelined is a public awareness campaign that focuses on mental health and suicide prevention. The campaign has kicked off its third year, and is reaching thousands of people throughout Nebraska, the United States, and even internationally, with the message that mental illness is treatable, and suicide is preventable.

We are appealing to people who are personally experiencing challenges with their mental health but haven’t yet sought help, to encourage them to take that first step by asking for help. Anthony Steels is a former Nebraska Husker and retired NFL player who has battled severe depression, but is now living a successful, fulfilled life in recovery. Anthony serves as the spokesperson for Don’t Be Sidelined, and in this brief radio spot encourages others to join him in building awareness about suicide prevention and mental health. He talks about his struggles and journey to seek help, while emphasizing the staggering statistic about suicide that more than 38,000 people die by suicide each year.

If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please call 800.273.TALK or visitDontBeSidelined.com for more resources. Join Anthony, and all of our partners at Don’t Be Sidelined, in raising awareness about mental health and increasing the understanding that suicide is preventable. Together, we can get those impacted, back in the game.

Don’t Be Sidelined PSA Transcript

Hi I’m Anthony Steels, former Husker and NFL player. For years I struggled with depression and for years I dealt with it alone, but with the encouragement of my friend Tom Osborne, I sought help. Unfortunately, not everyone seeks the help they so desperately need. More than 38,000 people die by suicide each year. National Suicide Prevention Week is in September. Join us in building awareness to this critical topic. Help is available. Suicide is preventable. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, call 800-273-TALK or visit dontbesidelined.comfor more resources.

If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out. Help is available!

Stand Against Suicide: Educating About Suicide And Mental Illness

Here is the sixth post I want to share this week in support of Suicide Prevention Awareness Week:

The following post was submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign by Stand Against Suicide, which is a nonprofit organization started in 2011. Their Mission is to raise suicide awareness and prevention by educating about suicide and mental illness.

By Becky Voss
Contributing writer

Through determination and support from others, Elbridge resident Tara Olmstead Kinsella-Dennee has found the strength to turn a personal tragedy into something positive, for herself and others.

On July 16, 2008, Kinsella-Dennee received a phone call saying her father had taken his own life. Wayne Olmstead was 50 years old at the time of his death. He left behind a wife; daughter, Tara; a granddaughter; three step-children; nine step-grandchildren and many friends.

Olmstead was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in his 40s. According to Olmstead-Kinsella, his disorder was usually kept under control with proper medication and counseling.

However, when Camillus Cutlery closed, Olmstead lost his job along with his health insurance coverage.

In turn, he no longer had access to medical care and prescriptions. Although he tried to find alternate employment and reached out for help several times, he wasn’t able to pull himself out of the depression this time, Kinsella-Dennee said.

“After my dad’s suicide, I wasn’t sure what to do,” she said. “I didn’t have anybody to reach out to. My family and friends were amazing, but couldn’t really relate to what I was going through, even though they tried. I kind of just went on with my life as if it didn’t happen.”

Kinsella-Dennee said she was left with many unanswered questions. She wondered, “Why? Was it really that bad? How could he do this to us? Was there something we could have done differently?”

She researched mental disorders and suicide rates and was shocked at the statistics. That’s when Kinsella-Dennee decided to take a stand.

Tara Dennee, of Elbridge, founder of the suicide support group Stand Against Suicide, meets with the group at her mother’s home in Elbridge.
In 2011, she launched, Stand Against Suicide, a non-profit organization with the mission to raise suicide awareness and prevention by educating about suicide and mental illness.

So far, the group is focusing on gaining name recognition by attending community events.

“We try to attend some of the more diverse events,” Kinsella-Dennee said. “So many of the larger suicide prevention organizations only target certain age groups or areas. We try to branch out to reach those that may not have been able to connect with somebody.”

For example, Stand Against Suicide participated in the Syracuse Nationals and the Emerson Park Father’s Day Car show.

“There is such a broad range of people that attend large car shows that we were able to reach out to many different people; families, elderly, children, teenagers, you name it,” said Kinsella-Dennee.

“Then we attended the controversial K-Rockathon this year. We had some of the most positive feedback yet. We also attended a large, heavy metal concert, the Trespass America Tour, and got even more positive feedback. We really like to hit the areas that others wouldn’t think to.”

Stand Against Suicide volunteers meet at Louanne Weatherspoon’s home in Elbridge. The group’s founder, Tara Dennee, of Elbridge, is facing toward camera at left. The woman facing the camera at right is Kelly Blackburn, Camillus. Back to camera at left is Debi Geroux, of Oswego, and at right is Lauren Dodge, of Liverpool.

At each event, volunteers offer support, a listening ear and provide brochures that focus on depression, warning signs of suicide and background information on the organization.

“We participate in community events to promote our message and raise funds,” Kinsella-Dennee said. “One hundred percent of our profits go back into the organization. There are no paid volunteers.”

The group will be at the Jordan Fall Festival, Sept. 21 to 23. And, it will host its first Take A Stand, Save A Life Community Walk Sept. 29 at the Inner Harbor in Syracuse.

Money raised from the events help fund initiatives, including a “sympathy basket” sent to the newly bereaved, containing the book, “No Time To Say Goodbye,” handmade “Hope” bracelets, Stand Against Suicide T-shirts, and personal items like coffee and mugs, slippers, bathrobe and candles. Each basket is individually made.

In addition to support, the group acts as a community liaison.

“We also make every effort to connect people with the proper organizations to get the help they need,” Kinsella-Dennee said. For example, a woman whose husband suffered from PTSD and was a veteran, was referred to a veteran’s association near them,” said Kinsella-Dennee. “Many people think you can just “Google” everything, but some people don’t have that technology and need our help to make the connections.”

According to Kinsella-Dennee, there are different programs available in the community to assist those in need of prescription coverage.

“Had I known this four years ago, maybe we could have gotten help for my dad,” she said.

After one year, Kinsella-Dennee said that the group is off to a good start.

“Our name is getting out there. The more events we attend, the better off we are,” she said. “We are gaining momentum … in fact, we are very close to being able to open our peer-based group therapy center.”

She said that will happen within the next six months to a year. Meanwhile, volunteers are training to conduct these groups.

Kinsella-Dennee wants people living with the suicide of a loved one to know that they are not alone.

“First and foremost, we really do know how you feel,” she said. “We understand that your life feels as (though) it has been shattered into a million pieces, and it has. We know that you are on a very long, hard road to recovery. We know how you will go through a million different emotions and feelings at one time. But most importantly, we know that with proper support, you will get through it.”

About suicide:

More than 36,000 people in the United States die by suicide every year.

In 2009 (latest available data), there were 36,909 reported suicide deaths.

Suicide is the fourth-leading cause of death for adults between the ages of 18 and 65 in the United States.

Currently, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States.

A person dies by suicide about every 15 minutes in the United States.

Every day, approximately 101 Americans take their own life.

Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death.

There are four male suicides for every female suicide, but three times as many females as males attempt suicide.

There are as many as 25 attempted suicides for every suicide death.

Youth Suicide is the sixth-leading cause of death among those 5 to 14.

Suicide is the third-leading cause of death among those 15 to 24.

Risk factors for suicide among the young include suicidal thoughts, psychiatric disorders (such as depression, impulsive aggressive behavior, bipolar disorder, certain anxiety disorders), drug and/or alcohol abuse and previous suicide attempts, with the risk increased if there is situational stress and access to firearms.
Source: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s website afsp.org

To learn more:
Visit standagainstsuicide.org for more information about Stand Against Suicide or to help support the organization.

If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out. Help is available!

Nothing Special? One Teen’s Initiative to Prevent Suicide

Here is the fifth post I want to share this week in support of Suicide Prevention Awareness Week:

The following post was submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign by Luke Maxwell. Luke Maxwell is the founder of ucantberased.com (“you can’t be erased”), a website designed to break the stigma of teen depression and stop the epidemic of suicide in our country today, especially among Catholic youth. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 29 percent of high school age teens suffer from clinical depression and one in 12 has attempted suicide. Luke has appeared on television and radio, has been featured in newspapers, and speaks to teens and parents about this life-saving topic.

Luke, like one in four teens, struggled with clinical depression. In December 2012, he attempted suicide and thankfully survived. He sought treatment and is now active in suicide prevention work with other teens who suffer from depression and self-harm. Luke started the first support group in his area and has started the website ucantberased.com so that teens struggling with mental health can find a community which will encourage them to seek proper treatment. This is Luke’s story:

Everyone longs to be special, noticed and loved. I’m no exception. You might recognize this as the theme of “The Lego Movie,” which was released this year. I want people to love me just as much as Emmet, the main character, does. And, like Emmet, it took many struggles before I realized the truth.

As a child, I was happy and lived life to its fullest. But, unfortunately, this didn’t continue into my teenage years.

Around the age of 12, I began to think differently. Although my parents and siblings loved me, I couldn’t feel it. I started to struggle. I didn’t know I was dealing with major depressive disorder. I was suicidal. And nobody knew.

Every day was filled with apathy, fatigue and constant confusion. I was almost in physical pain. I doubted reality because I couldn’t believe it was possible to have such a terrible life. I couldn’t sleep at night, and that’s when I imagined how I would escape and finally be happy and free. But as time went on, those fantasies turned to darker thoughts: I started to plan how I would kill myself.

I was sick. Plain and simple. But I didn’t know it.

After four years, I gave up. I couldn’t handle the torment and I couldn’t figure out how to make it stop. December 3, 2012. I was 16. And I was done. I bought into the depressed mindset that told me I was nothing special, and the world would never miss me when I was gone.

I was supposed to clean the family’s 12-seater van, but before I went out, I left a note. After pretending to clean for a couple of minutes, I jumped into the driver’s seat. As I roared out the driveway, I searched for a way to end my pain. I spotted an SUV traveling in the opposite direction.

Accelerating, I swerved and slammed head on into that oncoming vehicle — no seat belt at 60 miles per hour. The crash was horrific. Both cars rolled in midair, and were completely totaled. And I had survived. Nothing in my plan had prepared me for this.

I was arrested for assault, for purposely driving my van into an occupied vehicle, and taken to the hospital. Miraculously, I was completely unharmed.

I was admitted into a mental facility, diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and started treatment. As my recovery progressed, I realized I was special, and I needed to help other teens in the same situation see how much they impact the world, too.

I looked for a support group of teens like me, but there wasn’t one, so I started the first of its kind in my area. I also created a place online —ucantberased.com — so those struggling with depression and self-harm know they aren’t alone and can recover if they tell someone and find treatment. They are so special, and their stories can touch so many.

You might be wondering what happened to the other driver in the SUV. His name is Lenny Ross, and he was injured but survived. We are now close friends who share a desire to help other youth. He and his wife are expecting a baby soon — a baby that wouldn’t be here if Lenny had been killed that day.

So, just as Emmet discovers that he is special, like everyone else, I now know I’m my own unique person. You are, too, but the disease of depression can make you think otherwise.

I am here, unashamed, to let you know that you are important — indelible. That depression isn’t who you are, it’s what you have. And it can be defeated.

Remember, you can’t be erased.

My unbelievable journey through teen depression, attempted suicide, hope, and redemption.

If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out. Help is available!

Military Spouses Matter Enough To Seek Help

Sorry I missed posting this yesterday. Here is the fourth post I want to share this week in support of Suicide Prevention Awareness Week:

The following testimonial was submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign by Liz Snell. Snell is a Marine Corps spouse of 13 years with more than 10 years of experience volunteering and working in organizations that make a positive impact on the military community. She holds a master’s degree in Strategic Management and Leadership from Western Governors University. In 2013, she founded Military Spouses of Strength , an initiative to raise awareness and reduce the stigma around mental health within the military community. She lives in the greater San Diego area with her husband and their two children.

Like many military spouses, my life became consumed by all of the things related to my husband’s career. This, coupled with my responsibilities as a wife and mother, made me begin to feel as though I was losing a part of myself. I no longer knew myself at my core, or even knew my interests and dislikes.

The breaking point for me came during my husband’s fifth deployment. The roles and responsibilities of a military wife were beginning to get to me. I was single-handedly taking care of the home, children, cars and finances while trying to fulfill my own needs of a college education and bringing in additional income by working. I was doing all of this while having a smile on my face — pretending that nothing was eating at me on the inside. As spouses, there is a silent understanding that seeking out help is a sign of weakness. I went the duration of the deployment with an increasing level of depression. This manifested into suicidal ideations by the time my husband returned home.

Thoughts of killing myself were daily — if not hourly — and debilitating. Eventually, I found the courage to check myself into a mental health facility where I was treated for two weeks. I was released to my husband’s care with guidance for him to monitor me at home for an additional two weeks.
Fortunately, I am not a statistic. I didn’t go through with the act. I was a good actress, and fooled my friends and family as to what I was really feeling. But I do think that I left silent signals, hoping that someone would realize my distress.

During my spiral into depression, I began to get snappy with my kids and others. My sleeping patterns became erratic and the quality of my work at school began to falter. I cried at the silliest of things.

On their own, these are not drastic enough signals to guess that I was depressed, but together they are all clues that something was wrong. Maybe no one saw these as clues, and maybe no one added the clues together. It is irrelevant. What matters is that I now know these clues for myself. If I come to a point where I feel myself beginning to slip again, I have learned that seeking help is not a form of weakness, but is the strongest thing you can do.

I have learned that I matter, not because of what I do but because of who I am, and you matter too.

If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out. Help is available!

The Moments That Change You

Here is the third post I want to share this week in support of Suicide Prevention Awareness Week:

Heidi Bryan: The Moments That Change You

The following post was submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign by Heidi Bryan. Heidi, who battled depression and is a suicide attempt survivor, founded the Feeling Blue Suicide Prevention Council after losing her brother to suicide. Among other accomplishments, she has served on the Board of Directors for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and was Vice-Chairman of the Board of Directors for the Suicide Prevention Action Network (SPAN) USA. This is her personal story about struggling with depression. 

I believe most of us have had flashes of insight or epiphanies and know their impact on our lives. I’ve had two, and they have truly changed me.

The first was after my older brother’s suicide. I was talking with a friend when it hit me. Just as alcoholism “talks” to you, tells you one drink won’t hurt or you’re not really an alcoholic, so do other diseases like bipolar disorder, depression, or being suicidal. Only these diseases tell you that you’ll be doing everybody a favor, they’ll get over it, or it will be such a relief for other people not to have you weighing them down.

I bet this is what my brother was thinking when he killed himself, and you know what? He was wrong. We won’t get over it, and he wasn’t doing us a favor. How do I know this? These were my thoughts, too. Six weeks before his death I was planning my own suicide. I had a plan and a back-up plan and a back-up plan to the back-up plan. I was waiting for the opportunity to present itself. But his death changed all of that.

So it hit me: “If he was wrong, and it’s not true for him, that it was his disease talking to him, then it’s not true for me.” I didn’t feel it, or think it, or believe it, but I now had the evidence in front of me and I knew it to be true; suicide was no longer an option.

Flash forward five years. I’m in therapy, I’m on medication, and I’m doing much, much better. In fact, I like life and living. So it was a typical evening and I was watching the TV show “Boomtown,” a short-lived but very good show set in Los Angeles that examined crime from every viewpoint — police, witnesses and even the criminals. Donnie Wahlberg plays a police officer whose wife had attempted suicide recently. In the episode that night, he came home but he didn’t see his wife right away. He raced through the house and opened the bathroom door — where he had found her when she had attempted suicide— and she was taking a bubble bath. She turned to look at him and immediately saw the panicked look on his face. She turned her face to the wall.

I couldn’t get the scene out of my mind. I went to therapy that week and my therapist had also seen the show. He thought she turned away in anger, but I told him that no, it was shame.

On the way home it hit me. I remembered a time when I talked to my therapist on the phone when I was agitated, upset and suicidal, and I hung up on him. I called him back, but still. Then I thought of my husband. Did he ever come home and not find me right away and get scared? Emotions flooded me and I thought, “How could you have put them through this? How scared they must have been. How horrible it must have been!”

I went to work the next day and asked my husband to meet me for lunch. Crying, I told him about the show, my realization, and how sorry I was to put him through that. He said that it was OK; it was just that one time. During my next therapy session, I told my therapist everything and apologized to him. He said he believed I would always carry that realization with me, and he was right. I’ll never forget those feelings and never want to put anybody through that again.

If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out. Help is available!

Today kicks off National Suicide Prevention Week...

Mental Health and particularly suicide is not a topic many feel comfortable talking about. That needs to change! Every 40 seconds the world loses someone to suicide. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 800,000 people die by suicide each year. Chances are you know someone who has died by suicide. This year alone I know of 4 friends and/or acquaintances that have died by suicide not including actor Robin Williams. It's hard enough to lose someone you know to suicide, it's even harder when you are struggling with depression as I am. It's a battle. There are good days and not so good days. I have found that talking about it helps. I also have learned though that you have to be careful who you talk to. Not everyone has your best interest in mind. I don't want to dwell on that though because seeking help is truly the best way to prevent suicide!

The University of Southern California School of Social Work started a collaboration with experts in the mental health field to create the "100 Voices for Suicide Prevention" campaign.  Every day this week I am going to share on my blog a posting submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign.  

Here is the submission I would like to share today:

   This post was submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign by Badge of Life, a group of active and retired police officers, medical professionals and surviving families of suicides from the United States and Canada. The cornerstone of our Badge of Life program is an entirely new approach to suicide prevention, called the “Emotional Self-Care Program ” (ESC).

The world of depression and suicide is a dark, murky one that’s hard for “outsiders” to understand. No one truly wants to die—that defies the human instinct to survive and continue on. Depression is a heaviness that suffocates, that darkens the sun and casts the person into a seemingly eternal, turbulent night. Suicide, which is depression out of control, is akin to standing on a burning floor in the World Trade Center. The floors below you are consumed and the flames are licking at your back as you stand at the window. You have only one of two choices—to either burn a slow and terrible death or jump from the window to escape the pain. That’s what suicide is—an attempt to escape a pain that seems as bad as burning in a gasoline fire for eternity. Standing at ground level, how would you judge this person? You have no such right—because you’re not standing on the window ledge hearing the screams behind you and feeling the flames licking at your back.

The one thing that is hard for the suicidal person to understand is that there really is refuge from the pain. To communicate this calls for compassion, empathy, and an effort to assure the person that they are not alone. This is best accomplished by showing the person you understand the dynamics of depression and suicide and that you realize suicide seems, for the moment, to be the “only way” to escape the pain of what is troubling them. Above all, let the person talk. Do not label or judge the person.

Do not be afraid to use words like, “caring,” “loving” and “accepting.” The right words are important, and allow them to show in your voice. It is imperative that the person understand that, regardless of what has brought them to this stage, they can survive it and be cared for in a compassionate way by others who have “been there” and/or who dedicate their lives to helping others.

As one psychologist put it, “There is no such thing as no hope.” Let the suicidal person know that there is not only hope, but that their life is important to you. Avoid saying things like, “You have so much to live for,” “Your suicide will hurt your family” or, worse, “Look on the bright side.” Stay away from patronizing statements like, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” These only open up arguments. Again, empathy and the offer of caring, professional help are crucial.

If a peer support officer is available, take advantage of them either directly or in an advisory capacity. These officers are also trained in the symptoms of suicide and how to talk with a potential victim.

Most importantly, listen. Allow the person to vent their emotions, fears and anger and encourage them to talk about their motives for suicide. Time is on your side. If they show any openness to alternatives, take advantage of it and keep them talking about them. Remember, the suicidal person often feels cornered, trapped and isolated. Your job is to help them feel included–and part of the solution.

If you or a loved one is hurting please reach out. Asking for help is the hardest thing to do but so worth it!

Faces Of Suicide

Suicide does not discriminate. If you need help or know someone who is struggling please reach out!

ACT. Ask...Care...Take

The Kansas City Fire Department is starting a new program this month aimed at ending suicides within the fire department family. The program is called ACT. It stands for 'Ask, Care and Take'.

If you read my previous post titled Because One Suicide is One Too Many! or another post titled Suicide in Law Enforcement... What can be done to prevent it? then you know suicide is often not talked about in Fire/EMS/Law Enforcement. The often mentioned mantra is ‘We help others but never ourselves.’ That’s our culture. ‘ Don’t ask for help.’” It's time we change that! After losing one of their own recently to suicide as well as 3 others in the last 10 years, KCFD has decided it's time to step up and talk about suicide prevention. With help from Richard Gist, principle assistant to the fire chief and public health psychologist with KCFD, they have come up with the ACT program to help fire fighters who may be struggling.

The concept of the program is this: Ask what's going on with someone and if they are thinking about hurting themselves. Care is about showing a person that you care about them. Take stands for taking that person to a place where they can get help if you determine they need help.

Nico Cruz, a 23 year veteran of the KCFD took his life on July 27, 2014. His service was held on Saturday August 2, 2014. He is survived by four children. His oldest daughter, Catalina Cruz, said that she decided to speak out about her father's suicide in hopes of preventing other suicides. Her interview can be seen by clicking on the picture below and following the link.

I attended Nico's service. Having gone to high school with Nico and catching up periodically over the years I know what a big heart he had! He volunteered with MDA and BACA. He was passionate about protecting kids from child abuse. And personally, I will always remember that he took the time to call me after my fire 2 years ago to make sure I was okay and ask if I needed anything. In this day and age, who takes time to do that? Nico did! His death was a shock to so many of us who knew him. He did so much for others but was unable to ask for help for himself when he needed it. It's time to stand up and talk about mental health not only in the fire industry, EMS and Law Enforcement but to the public in general. I was so impressed with Nico's family during his service. Many times when suicide is the reason for someones death the family won't mention it. Not only did Nico's family mention it as cause of death but they took the opportunity to use his service as a forum to advocate suicide prevention. They asked everyone in attendance to reach out and speak to someone if they were hurting and needed help. Pamphlets about suicide prevention were available for anyone to pick up. I guarantee you, there was not a dry eye in the house! This was a family in pain that desperately wanted to reach out to others in hopes of preventing another family from going through similar pain. I admire the family for their courage during such a difficult time!

Catalina's message was this... "My message would be if you know anyone who is struggling with suicide, please talk with them and get some help!"

Cousin Desmond McIntyre, also a fire fighter with KCFD, explained that firefighters see things that you can never erase from your mind and deal with stresses and family and work that are incredibly difficult. He encouraged others to take the time to talk with people and find out how they're really doing and do it often. It's not clear what caused Nico to take his life. It is clear he was hurting.

If you suspect someone is hurting, reach out to them. Sometimes people are afraid to talk to family or friends regarding things they may be struggling with. If you know someone who is struggling but fear they may be afraid to talk, there are good resources you can point them to. One such resource is the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 

If you call the Lifeline you can remain anonymous. They are there to listen and help! You do not have to be suicidal to call. Anyone who is hurting and needs to talk can call. They also have a chat line if you prefer. Having used this resource myself I can assure you, it is a great resource and you can remain anonymous! What I learned from my experience (I used the chat function) is that you really can remain anonymous and people really do want to help! The only time they will disclose your identity is if you are going to hurt yourself. I wasn't suicidal when I contacted the Lifeline, I just really needed to talk through something that I wasn't sure I could talk to my family or friends about. Thanks to having a positive experience with the Lifeline, I now see a therapist on a regular basis and that is a great help to me. Sometimes it's not easy to talk to family or friends and that's when talking to a professional can help. I had to wait until I was insured again before I could start working with a therapist but I am glad I did. She is a good resource for me and I feel safe talking to her about any issues including Nico's suicide. I know a lot of people are hurting after losing Nico in such a shocking way. If you are struggling with Nico's death or any other issue please reach out for help! 

IF YOU ARE IN CRISIS AND NEED IMMEDIATE HELP, 

please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). 

Seeking help is a sign of strength not of weakness. It is the first step in reestablishing control in your life. Always remember when there is life there is hope!

RIP Nico! You are loved and so very much missed!