Nothing Special? One Teen’s Initiative to Prevent Suicide

Here is the fifth post I want to share this week in support of Suicide Prevention Awareness Week:

The following post was submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign by Luke Maxwell. Luke Maxwell is the founder of ucantberased.com (“you can’t be erased”), a website designed to break the stigma of teen depression and stop the epidemic of suicide in our country today, especially among Catholic youth. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 29 percent of high school age teens suffer from clinical depression and one in 12 has attempted suicide. Luke has appeared on television and radio, has been featured in newspapers, and speaks to teens and parents about this life-saving topic.

Luke, like one in four teens, struggled with clinical depression. In December 2012, he attempted suicide and thankfully survived. He sought treatment and is now active in suicide prevention work with other teens who suffer from depression and self-harm. Luke started the first support group in his area and has started the website ucantberased.com so that teens struggling with mental health can find a community which will encourage them to seek proper treatment. This is Luke’s story:

Everyone longs to be special, noticed and loved. I’m no exception. You might recognize this as the theme of “The Lego Movie,” which was released this year. I want people to love me just as much as Emmet, the main character, does. And, like Emmet, it took many struggles before I realized the truth.

As a child, I was happy and lived life to its fullest. But, unfortunately, this didn’t continue into my teenage years.

Around the age of 12, I began to think differently. Although my parents and siblings loved me, I couldn’t feel it. I started to struggle. I didn’t know I was dealing with major depressive disorder. I was suicidal. And nobody knew.

Every day was filled with apathy, fatigue and constant confusion. I was almost in physical pain. I doubted reality because I couldn’t believe it was possible to have such a terrible life. I couldn’t sleep at night, and that’s when I imagined how I would escape and finally be happy and free. But as time went on, those fantasies turned to darker thoughts: I started to plan how I would kill myself.

I was sick. Plain and simple. But I didn’t know it.

After four years, I gave up. I couldn’t handle the torment and I couldn’t figure out how to make it stop. December 3, 2012. I was 16. And I was done. I bought into the depressed mindset that told me I was nothing special, and the world would never miss me when I was gone.

I was supposed to clean the family’s 12-seater van, but before I went out, I left a note. After pretending to clean for a couple of minutes, I jumped into the driver’s seat. As I roared out the driveway, I searched for a way to end my pain. I spotted an SUV traveling in the opposite direction.

Accelerating, I swerved and slammed head on into that oncoming vehicle — no seat belt at 60 miles per hour. The crash was horrific. Both cars rolled in midair, and were completely totaled. And I had survived. Nothing in my plan had prepared me for this.

I was arrested for assault, for purposely driving my van into an occupied vehicle, and taken to the hospital. Miraculously, I was completely unharmed.

I was admitted into a mental facility, diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and started treatment. As my recovery progressed, I realized I was special, and I needed to help other teens in the same situation see how much they impact the world, too.

I looked for a support group of teens like me, but there wasn’t one, so I started the first of its kind in my area. I also created a place online —ucantberased.com — so those struggling with depression and self-harm know they aren’t alone and can recover if they tell someone and find treatment. They are so special, and their stories can touch so many.

You might be wondering what happened to the other driver in the SUV. His name is Lenny Ross, and he was injured but survived. We are now close friends who share a desire to help other youth. He and his wife are expecting a baby soon — a baby that wouldn’t be here if Lenny had been killed that day.

So, just as Emmet discovers that he is special, like everyone else, I now know I’m my own unique person. You are, too, but the disease of depression can make you think otherwise.

I am here, unashamed, to let you know that you are important — indelible. That depression isn’t who you are, it’s what you have. And it can be defeated.

Remember, you can’t be erased.

My unbelievable journey through teen depression, attempted suicide, hope, and redemption.

If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out. Help is available!