Strength

We don't always have to be strong to be strong. Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.

We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.

There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don't want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.

Those days are okay. They are just okay.

Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to. We do not need to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.

The above excerpt is from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. I thought it was an appropriate topic for today. Today is the 3 year anniversary of my devastating fire where I lost everything, including my kitty Cosmo. Although my feelings aren't as strong today as they were 2 years ago when I literally fell apart at the one year anniversary, I still have strong feelings about February 23. It's a day that changed my life.

Much has changed in my life since that day. I have adopted another kitty to keep my survivor kitty CJ company. I have changed jobs, I have lost friends and gained new ones. I have fallen apart. I have picked myself back up.  I have found the strength to continue life even when life seems unbearable.

I still have nightmares from my 2 fires in 2012. In fact, I had one last night that woke me up. I wasn't sure I would want to get out of my pajamas today, much less go to work. I didn't want fear to paralyze me though so I got up, got dressed, drove to work and if not for the computers going down I might have had a productive day today. I could have let the computer issue bother me. Instead, I used the time to read blogs, catch up on facebook, review email... all from my smart phone. (What did we do before smart phones?) I may not be as strong as I want to be, but at least I am coping now rather than letting fear paralyze me any longer. The bravest thing I did was ask for help. The day I asked for help is a painful memory but because I was brave enough to ask for help, I am alive to create new memories.

Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track... 

If you or a loved one are struggling, there is help. Reach out to a friend, family member, significant other, teacher, coach, coworker... anyone you feel safe talking to. The bravest thing you can do is ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of being strong for too long. Help is available. You do not need to be suicidal to call the lifeline. The lifeline is there for anyone who is struggling.