MCM Deferred

Well unfortunately due to an injury I have had to make the decision to defer my entry for the Marine Corps Marathon to next year. I have a torn hamstring tendon. Had it been the muscle injured instead of the tendon I might have been able to train through it. A tendon injury is more serious than a muscle injury and mine is being slow to respond to treatment. I have missed nearly 2 weeks of running so far and the projected time off from running is 4-6 weeks. With the MCM being only 8 weeks away, it is unrealistic that I could recover and train appropriately for it.

Injuries are frustrating. This one is frustrating to me for so many reasons. Running is my coping mechanism. I have been grumpy lately and I know it's a result of not being able to run. Mostly though, I think I am frustrated more because I was running the MCM to raise awareness for suicide prevention for first responders. I will have to discontinue the campaign now that I won't be able to run. I am very disappointed about that. Suicide is such a hard topic to talk about. Running the MCM gave me a platform to talk about suicide prevention.

The media doesn't publicize first responder suicides nearly as often as they occur. Every year we hear about how many Law Enforcement Officers and Firefighters are killed in the line of duty. Would it surprise you that nearly double that take their lives each year by suicide? I bet most people don't know the devastating toll of the job on first responders. I was an EMT for only a short bit so I can't say I know all they go through but I have an idea. There is one call I ran while an EMT that I will never forget and it has to do with fire. It's part of the reason why I struggled so much after my fire a few years ago. My fire brought back a memory I thought I had put away forever. And that's only one call, how many calls haunt first responders in their dreams? I bet it's well more than one. Whether a firefighter, EMT, paramedic or police officer, they all experience things that most of us never could imagine. And because most of us can't relate to what they see and experience, first responders find it hard to reach out to others who are not first responders. So what do they do? They bury it. They don't want to burden their family or friends with the emotional things they see on the job. The problem with not talking about it is it leads to coping mechanisms that may not be safe such as drinking, drugs and other risky behaviors that help distract from the nightmares.

This year alone 71 firefighter suicides have been confirmed including the recent suicide of a firefighter while on duty in Katy, Texas. It's very possible the number of suicides is higher than that as not all suicides are reported as suicides. EMS suicides are generally included in firefighter suicide statistics. It's harder to track LEO suicides because oftentimes the death is not reported as a suicide. And that's too bad. In order for officers, firefighters and EMS to be more likely to get help, they need to know there is a support system in place. If law enforcement won't acknowledge that a suicide has happened, it is less likely for an officer to reach out to someone if they are struggling. For example, Johnson County (KS) Sheriff's Office had a deputy lose his life to suicide earlier this year. It was not reported as a suicide and therefor the opportunity to help others who may be struggling was missed. The more we talk about suicide out in the open, the better chance we have of saving someone who may need help but is too afraid to ask for it. Suicide needs to be talked about openly in order to break down the stigma associated with it. Until that happens, people will continue to be afraid to ask for help. I speak from experience here.  Fire and EMS have gotten a little further than law enforcement in regards to suicide prevention. Suicides are now being tracked as much as possible in Fire/EMS and workshops are being put in place to help departments when they lose one of their own to suicide. The organization I was raising funds for is one of those organizations that provides workshops for LEO/Fire/EMS to help with suicide prevention as well as grief after a suicide.  To learn more about it visit the Sweeney Alliance at http://sweeneyalliance.net/ or the Grieving Behind the Badge blog at http://grievingbehindthebadgeblog.net/.

I may not be able to run the Marine Corps Marathon this year but my desire to talk about suicide prevention has not diminished. It's a difficult topic but one that's worth having a conversation about. You might just save someone's life.

If you or someone you know is struggling there is help. Reach out to a friend, family member, coworker, partner, spouse, counselor, priest.... just reach out. Where there is help, there is hope.

Running the Marine Corps Marathon to Raise Awareness for Suicide Prevention in First Responders

Hi all! I am running the Marine Corps Marathon in October to raise awareness for suicide prevention for first responders.

Why do I want to raise awareness for suicide prevention? Because one suicide is one too many!

Why do I want to focus on raising awareness for suicide prevention for first responders? Because they are the helpers. Who are they supposed to call when they need help?

The stigma for suicide is very real. People are afraid to ask for help because they don't know how others will view them when they say they need help. Having been there I know this issue all too well. People don't want to talk about suicide because of the stigma associated with it. It's time to start a conversation worth having.

What makes suicide so difficult to prevent is that it is not a condition or disorder, but rather an outcome that may result from the presence (or accumulation) of many risk factors. What makes suicide in first responders even more difficult to prevent is that they are the helpers. Those who work in Fire/EMS/Law Enforcement face the risk of my behavioral concerns such as anxiety, depression, burnout, ptsd to name a few. But the problem is that they don't talk about behavioral health when it comes to each other. The often mentioned mantra in first responders is "We help others but never ourselves." 

Why is it so difficult for someone in Fire/EMS/Law Enforcement to ask for help? Risk of losing their peer’s respect, fear of being viewed as weak and unable to perform their jobs, fear of confidentiality, fear of losing their career? It’s no wonder so many of the helpers suffer in silence. Why do I want to raise awareness for suicide prevention for first responders? For Nico and TJ and all other first responders who ended their life too soon because they couldn’t ask for help.

Nicholas “Nico” Cruz passed away on July 27, 2014. He was a firefighter with more than 20 years on the job. He received numerous accolades for saving lives. When he wasn’t at work he gave his time to many charitable organizations including MDA, BACA and Brotherhood for Children. Nico was a firefighter, a husband, a father and so much more. What might have been the greatest hurdle for Nico was the loss of his wife to suicide nearly a year prior to his suicide. After her death Nico made it a mission to educate others about suicide prevention. Those of us who knew Nico knew the anniversary of Carli’s death was difficult and may have been too much for him to endure. Someone who ends their life by suicide doesn’t necessarily want to die; they just want their pain to end. Nico was struggling with the loss of Carli and didn’t know how to make the pain end.

Timothy J. “TJ” Shavers passed away December 8, 2012. TJ was a detective who spent a good portion of his career in cyber-crimes investigating online sexual predators, identity theft, email scams, internet theft, etc. He was trained specifically to focus on investigate crimes against children and spent nearly the last 7 years of his career catching these predators. TJ was a law enforcement officer, a husband and a father. He, like many law enforcement officers, struggled with the pressures of undercover work vs personal life balance. 

Was it the constant exposure to horror at work or something going on at home that proved too much for Nico or TJ to handle? We may never know. All we do know is they wanted the pain to end. For whatever reason, neither reached out for help. I can’t say I know what it’s like to walk in the shoes of first responders but I have many friends who do and if I can help even one of them get help when they need it, it is worth the effort. Asking for help is hard. I should know; it was the bravest thing I ever did!

I am running the Marine Corps Marathon to support the groundbreaking collaboration of The Sweeney Alliance and Rethink The Conversation to develop national programs to educate first responders about suicide prevention and coping with the aftermath of a suicide.

Will you support my cause? Here's a link to my campaign:  http://www.gofundme.com/suicidehelp
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog entry! This cause has my heart, I hope it has yours too!

If you or someone you know is struggling please ask for help. Where there is help, there is hope!

Today kicks off National Suicide Prevention Week...

Mental Health and particularly suicide is not a topic many feel comfortable talking about. That needs to change! Every 40 seconds the world loses someone to suicide. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 800,000 people die by suicide each year. Chances are you know someone who has died by suicide. This year alone I know of 4 friends and/or acquaintances that have died by suicide not including actor Robin Williams. It's hard enough to lose someone you know to suicide, it's even harder when you are struggling with depression as I am. It's a battle. There are good days and not so good days. I have found that talking about it helps. I also have learned though that you have to be careful who you talk to. Not everyone has your best interest in mind. I don't want to dwell on that though because seeking help is truly the best way to prevent suicide!

The University of Southern California School of Social Work started a collaboration with experts in the mental health field to create the "100 Voices for Suicide Prevention" campaign.  Every day this week I am going to share on my blog a posting submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign.  

Here is the submission I would like to share today:

   This post was submitted to the 100 Voices for Suicide Prevention campaign by Badge of Life, a group of active and retired police officers, medical professionals and surviving families of suicides from the United States and Canada. The cornerstone of our Badge of Life program is an entirely new approach to suicide prevention, called the “Emotional Self-Care Program ” (ESC).

The world of depression and suicide is a dark, murky one that’s hard for “outsiders” to understand. No one truly wants to die—that defies the human instinct to survive and continue on. Depression is a heaviness that suffocates, that darkens the sun and casts the person into a seemingly eternal, turbulent night. Suicide, which is depression out of control, is akin to standing on a burning floor in the World Trade Center. The floors below you are consumed and the flames are licking at your back as you stand at the window. You have only one of two choices—to either burn a slow and terrible death or jump from the window to escape the pain. That’s what suicide is—an attempt to escape a pain that seems as bad as burning in a gasoline fire for eternity. Standing at ground level, how would you judge this person? You have no such right—because you’re not standing on the window ledge hearing the screams behind you and feeling the flames licking at your back.

The one thing that is hard for the suicidal person to understand is that there really is refuge from the pain. To communicate this calls for compassion, empathy, and an effort to assure the person that they are not alone. This is best accomplished by showing the person you understand the dynamics of depression and suicide and that you realize suicide seems, for the moment, to be the “only way” to escape the pain of what is troubling them. Above all, let the person talk. Do not label or judge the person.

Do not be afraid to use words like, “caring,” “loving” and “accepting.” The right words are important, and allow them to show in your voice. It is imperative that the person understand that, regardless of what has brought them to this stage, they can survive it and be cared for in a compassionate way by others who have “been there” and/or who dedicate their lives to helping others.

As one psychologist put it, “There is no such thing as no hope.” Let the suicidal person know that there is not only hope, but that their life is important to you. Avoid saying things like, “You have so much to live for,” “Your suicide will hurt your family” or, worse, “Look on the bright side.” Stay away from patronizing statements like, “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” These only open up arguments. Again, empathy and the offer of caring, professional help are crucial.

If a peer support officer is available, take advantage of them either directly or in an advisory capacity. These officers are also trained in the symptoms of suicide and how to talk with a potential victim.

Most importantly, listen. Allow the person to vent their emotions, fears and anger and encourage them to talk about their motives for suicide. Time is on your side. If they show any openness to alternatives, take advantage of it and keep them talking about them. Remember, the suicidal person often feels cornered, trapped and isolated. Your job is to help them feel included–and part of the solution.

If you or a loved one is hurting please reach out. Asking for help is the hardest thing to do but so worth it!

Suicide in Law Enforcement... What can be done to prevent it?

There has been a silent statistic within the law enforcement profession that has been unspoken for years. A line that is drawn deeply and permanently between two deaths. One, whom we call a hero when dying in the line of duty. The other, a mere whisper that an officer has died. That growing statistic is law enforcement suicide. 

Suicide is not a popular topic in the law enforcement culture. Quite frankly, it's not a popular topic period. The goal of this blog entry is to focus on suicide in law enforcement because one suicide is one suicide too many.

For several years, the popular numbers given for annual police suicides were catastrophic - 300, 400, 500 and even higher. The numbers were so high it was believed nothing could be done. “Every 17 to 21 hours,” cried one source, “a police officer takes his or her own life!”   (This equalled as many as 515 officers per year!)   The studies vary widely and often times add more confusion than clarity.  One thing that the studies seem to agree on is that over the past several years, the suicide rate among law enforcement officers has been shown to equal or surpass the rate of officer's who died in the line of duty.  I think everyone can agree that one suicide is one too many.  Rather than argue about statistics, let's focus on what can be done to prevent suicide.
 
There is no easy or full proof way to identify which officers are most at risk for taking their own life. Every officer has his or her breaking point. The stresses of daily life, coupled with stresses from tragic/critical events, can push a police officer to end his/her life. Recognizing the signs and symptoms of stress and depression before an officer reaches that breaking point is essential.
 

The top predictors for suicide for anyone are:  a diagnostic mental disorder, alcohol or substance use, loss of social or family support, and the availability and access to a firearm. 60% of the general public and 90% of officers commit suicide using a gun. Additionally, about 90% of the time, an officer is drinking heavily when he/she kills himself/herself.

 

While officers generally operate well under stress, too much stress may have disastrous outcomes.

As we learn more through research and study it becomes obvious that suicide is merely “the tip of the iceberg” in comparison to the more important issue of mental health in law enforcement. 

 

It may well prove impossible to develop a program that can identify and prevent 150 suicides in a force of almost a million police officers. It is clear, however, that when efforts are focused on mental health, instead of the narrower “suicide prevention,” there can be benefits that include not only suicide prevention, but fewer:
 

• Officer deaths from shootings and accident
• Lawsuits
• Complaints
• Sick leave
• Alcoholism
• Substance abuse
• Criminal/other behaviors
• On and off-job injuries
• Divorces
• Grievances
• Resignations
• Morale problems, and much more.

Many obstacles may prevent an officer from seeking professional help for his or her depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts. There are concerns that if they tell their chain of command their careers will be ruined, they will be determined not fit for duty, their gun will be confiscated, they will be viewed as weak and all hopes of advancement will be destroyed. They may fear being terminated. There is always a fear of confidentiality. The officer worries about the reactions, including further alienation and retribution from peers. The stigma of mental illness remains rampant among many law enforcement officers. The idea of needing help implies cowardice and/or an inability to fulfill the role of an officer. Officers with a history of depression or anxiety are identified as the weak-link, the officer who folds under pressure. So the officer tries to solve his or her problems personally and quietly, often with disastrous results.

Virtually all suicides are preventable with appropriate intervention. Departments can help reduce the risk of one of their own taking his or her life.   Suicide awareness training for officers and command focusing on identification of at risk officers, prevention programs and training are some of the ways to help reduce the risk of suicide among law enforcement officers.

Here are some policy suggestions to be implemented in Departments:

• Conduct psychological pre-employment screening of all law enforcement applicants.
• Assess individuals seeking high-risk/high-stress job assignments (undercover, special weapons team, homicide, etc.) for personality/job match and the ability to cope with the inherent stressors.
• Provide education to personnel and their family members regarding depression, suicide, stress management, and available employee assistance or counseling resources. This is particularly important because studies maintain that 80 percent of people who commit suicide have communicated their intent to commit the act.
• Conduct middle-management education on depression, signs and symptoms of suicide, and appropriate policy and procedures should an employee be identified as possibly suicidal.
• Make resources, including chaplains, peer support, 24-hour hot lines, and mental health personnel available to department personnel and their family members.
• When assisting the officer in finding treatment it is wise to consider utilizing an outside therapist. An outside therapist, not involved in the police departmental process, may seem more trustworthy to the officer. A department psychiatrist may have more knowledge of the officer and his or her current pressures. However, the department's clinician may also be involved in evaluating the officer's mental status in regards for fitness for duty.  The officer, psychiatrist, and department need clarification related to the officer's confidentiality and the chain of command prior to initiating therapy.
• Track individuals who meet specific at-risk criteria either because of life events (divorce, under investigation, for example) or because the individual shows significant signs and symptoms of distress (sudden drop in performance, increase in complaints, anger, negativity).
• Debrief after high-stress incidents.
• Debrief in the event that an officer succeeds in completing suicide. Officers are frequently referred to as brothers and sisters; survivors of the suicide of a family member are up to nine times more likely to commit suicide themselves in comparison with the average person.
• Provide retirement transition seminars and assistance to prepare individuals for the emotional and social changes that will occur.

The overall department goal should be to assist officers in finding treatment where his or her needs are best met. 

Need a resource for training or support services? Try the National P.O.L.I.C.E. Suicide Foundation.

Here are some other resources that might be helpful in developing department policy:

In Harm's Way Toolkit: Law Enforcement Suicide Prevention
QPR Institute ...Advanced Suicide Prevention Courses for EMS, Corrections, Law Enforcement
International Association of Chiefs of Police... has information about suicide and resources available.
The Police Chief has a section on suicide prevention with resources listed.


If you are an officer reading this, you may know a peer at risk. As an officer you are frequently called to check the welfare of a citizen, to possibly prevent a suicide. As a peer you must do the same for another officer. Be aware of signs that someone may be suicidal such as:

• Talking about suicide
• Making statements related to hopelessness or helplessness
• A preoccupation with death
• A loss of interest in things the officer once cared about
• Making detailed arrangements related to insurance and finances
• Giving away valued or prized possessions

Notice what is going on in his/her life.

• Is he/she recently separated or divorced, did he/she lose custody of a child?
• Has he/she been involved in a critical incident or under scrutiny by an internal affairs investigation?
• Is the officer pulling away from others, is job performance suffering?
• Is he/she having increased medical complaints, does he/she leave work or miss work frequently?
• Do you suspect he/she is abusing alcohol or other substances?
• Do you see a red flag or have a gut level concern?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, do something now!  Ask the officer what is going on in his or her life. Ask if they are okay and how they are handling a current stressor. Ask them if they feel depressed, and ask them about suicidal thoughts. Help them get the help they need before they take a life - their own. If they won't seek help on their own go to a trusted supervisor, the chaplain, your union representative or the department clinician with your concerns.  You are willing to go to any lengths for an officer who needs assistance on a call; do something today to prevent the loss of an officer by his or her own hands! 

***Update - While doing some further research and chatting with people I learned that one main emotion is often missing with the affected individual and that is happiness.  However, the last few days after the person has made a conscious decision to take their life, they feel peace and happiness. That is when everyone thinks they are fine and the crisis is over but in reality the end is near. If you notice someone exhibiting signs of suicide one day and uncharacteristically happy the next, take action!

 

If you are an officer who is hurting and contemplating suicide, reach out now!  There are many people who really do care about you, who really do want to help you, who don't want to attend your funeral.  Here is a list of Helpful Suicide Prevention Resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Helpguide.org

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Suicide Awareness Voice of Education (SAVE) 

National Institute of Mental Health

Suicide Prevention Resource Center

National Center for PTSD

Tears of a Cop (there are many resources listed here specific to law enforcement)

Badge of Life (another source specific to law enforcement and suicide prevention)

Seeking help is a sign of strength not of weakness. It is the first step in reestablishing control in your life. Always remember when there is life there is hope!

 

Why am I writing a blog entry about suicide in law enforcement? I am not a law enforcement officer. I have worked in the healthcare field for more than 20 years.  We may work in different career paths but helping others is what you and I are meant to do.  I have an "adopted" family which includes retired and current police officers.  I have many friends currently on the job in law enforcement, fire and ems.  If I can't be there to help them when they need help, I hope someone else can be.  I know they would be there for me if I needed their help!  And last but not least, I am posting this entry because a friend recently lost her husband (a deputy) to suicide.   Any suicide is one too many!

 

 

Any law enforcement suicide is one too many.